生日禮物
--Sylvia Plath, 羅浩原 譯
會是什麼呢，在紗罩底下，到底是美是醜？
爍爍含光，是一對乳房嗎？還是藏著刀鋒？
此物肯定獨特，我確定這正是我要的。
當我默默埋頭做飯，我感到有東西在窺看著、在打量著。
「就為了這傢伙要我去拋頭露面？
怎麼挑上這眼眶發黑還帶著道疤的傢伙？
抓麵粉時秤斤秤兩，刮掉多餘的分量，
墨守著規矩、規矩、規矩。
這傢伙配得上天使來報喜訊嗎？
我的老天爺，簡直太可笑！」
但此物透著光亮，閃爍個不停，我想它要的正是我。
就算它是副枯骨或顆珍珠扣我也不介意。
反正我今年沒指望要什麼禮物。
說到底我之所以還活著靠得是一場意外。
那時我本該高高興興地自殺，不管用何方法。
如今四周都是窗簾般點點透亮的紗罩，
像薄綃的緞子掛在正月的窗上，
白得像嬰兒的褥子，冒著死寂的氣泡。對呀，象牙！
這底下肯定是一隻獠牙，一根幽靈柱。
難道你看不出是什麼對我都沒差嗎。
你有辦法不把它給我嗎？
別不好意思——我不介意它是不是很小。
別那麼小器，再大我也受得住。
讓我倆在它旁邊坐下，一人一邊，賞玩這閃光，
它的光澤、鏡子般反射變化的外觀。
讓我倆對著它進最後的晚餐，就像用醫院的餐盤。
我曉得為何你不把它送給我了，
因為你嚇壞了
怕這世界會在呼嘯中掀騰起來，你的頭顱也隨之而去，
如一面布滿浮雕的古董銅盾，
成了留給你曾孫們的奇珍異寶。
別害怕，沒那麼了不得。
我只會收下它，然後靜靜走開。
你甚至不會聽見我拆封，不會有紙的碎裂聲，
不會有扯落的緞帶，最後也不會有驚叫。
我想你不會相信我能保持理智。
不期待你理解我每天被那些紗罩害得多慘。
對你來說，它們不過是透明的，乾淨的空氣。
我的老天爺啊，我還說雲朵像棉花哩。
它們已擺好陣勢。它們是一氧化碳。
甜孜孜、我甜孜孜地將其吸入，
使我的血管充盈著看不見的、上百萬
可能的微粒，將年歲點點滴滴從我生命中瀉盡。
你為這場合穿上了銀色套裝。哦，好個計數器——
要你放下某事、一次全放掉大概是不可能的吧？
你非得把紫紅戳記蓋得無一處空白？
你非得把能殺的都殺光嗎？
可有個東西我今天就要，而且只有你能給我。
它就站在我的窗口，大得像天空一樣。
它就我的被榻間喘息，那是冷與死的中心點
令被撕裂的生命紛紛凝凍、僵化，成為歷史。
要把它寄來的話，別一隻指頭一隻指頭切了寄來。
也別把它用口信稍來，我得等到六十幾歲
才能收齊全部內容，那時我會麻木到無法用它。
僅需放下紗罩，紗罩，紗罩。
倘若那是死亡，
我會欣賞它深沉的地心引力和它永恆的眼睛。
我會知道你是認真的。
到時候才會有種尊貴感、有一次誕生日。
刀子就不會用來切片，而是捅入
乾淨俐落得如嬰兒的哭聲，
任整座宇宙從我身側滑落。
A Birthday Present
--Sylvia Plath
What is this, behind this veil, is it ugly, is it beautiful?
It is shimmering, has it breasts, has it edges?
I am sure it is unique, I am sure it is what I want.
When I am quiet at my cooking I feel it looking, I feel it thinking
'Is this the one I am to appear for,
Is this the elect one, the one with black eye-pits and a scar?
Measuring the flour, cutting off the surplus,
Adhering to rules, to rules, to rules.
Is this the one for the annunciation?
My god, what a laugh!'
But it shimmers, it does not stop, and I think it wants me.
I would not mind if it were bones, or a pearl button.
I do not want much of a present, anyway, this year.
After all I am alive only by accident.
I would have killed myself gladly that time any possible way.
Now there are these veils, shimmering like curtains,
The diaphanous satins of a January window
White as babies' bedding and glittering with dead breath. O ivory!
It must be a tusk there, a ghost column.
Can you not see I do not mind what it is.
Can you not give it to me?
Do not be ashamed--I do not mind if it is small.
Do not be mean, I am ready for enormity.
Let us sit down to it, one on either side, admiring the gleam,
The glaze, the mirrory variety of it.
Let us eat our last supper at it, like a hospital plate.
I know why you will not give it to me,
You are terrified
The world will go up in a shriek, and your head with it,
Bossed, brazen, an antique shield,
A marvel to your great-grandchildren.
Do not be afraid, it is not so.
I will only take it and go aside quietly.
You will not even hear me opening it, no paper crackle,
No falling ribbons, no scream at the end.
I do not think you credit me with this discretion.
If you only knew how the veils were killing my days.
To you they are only transparencies, clear air.
But my god, the clouds are like cotton.
Armies of them. They are carbon monoxide.
Sweetly, sweetly I breathe in,
Filling my veins with invisibles, with the million
Probable motes that tick the years off my life.
You are silver-suited for the occasion. O adding machine-----
Is it impossible for you to let something go and have it go whole?
Must you stamp each piece purple,
Must you kill what you can?
There is one thing I want today, and only you can give it to me.
It stands at my window, big as the sky.
It breathes from my sheets, the cold dead center
Where split lives congeal and stiffen to history.
Let it not come by the mail, finger by finger.
Let it not come by word of mouth, I should be sixty
By the time the whole of it was delivered, and too numb to use it.
Only let down the veil, the veil, the veil.
If it were death
I would admire the deep gravity of it, its timeless eyes.
I would know you were serious.
There would be a nobility then, there would be a birthday.
And the knife not carve, but enter
Pure and clean as the cry of a baby,
And the universe slide from my side.
--
http://www.wretch.cc/blog/kamadevas\
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